A Life That Matters

Ready or not, some day it will come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten,
Will be passed to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, to-do-list will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from,
Or on what side of the tracks you live at the end.

It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.
So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought,
BUT HOW YOU BUILT.
Not what you got,
But WHAT YOU GAVE.

What will matter is not your success, but YOUR SIGNIFICANCE.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what YOU TAUGHT.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage,
Or sacrifice that will enrich, empower, or encourage others
To emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but YOUR CHARACTER.
What will matter is not how many people you knew.
But how many will feel a LASTING LOSS WHEN YOU'RE GONE.
What will matter is
HOW LONG YOU WILL BE REMEMBERED,

BY WHOM AND FOR WHAT.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance but of CHOICE.
Choose to live a life that matters.

--

I love this poem. ♥ Not an original, btw. :)

Finding love, finding God

Okay, so despite the fact that I think I'm about to crack, I'll just maximize my energies to send GV to everyone. Life has been a bit of an adventure recently, and somehow I got taken aback by how fast everything has happened. I actually regret not being able to really focus on my thesis, though. I'm still feeling a bit confused about it and maybe the next few days can help me clarify my thoughts.

I've also had my fair share of frustrations for the past few months. I hope not to dwell on them, but it's quite difficult. Yes, I easily get anxious and so I get caught up in things I should not even think about. I don't know, I'm just a magnet for these sorts of things.

Anyway, I should get back to the topic.

So yesterday, happened to be invited to the Iftar Dinner by the LSPO. I did not expect myself to be there because I did not put it in my calendar. Yes, I'm quite terrible at these things. I doubted if I should have even been present there. I went anyway. I happened to be sat at the table with a Shiite scholar and some of his colleagues. Br. Ricky was also at that table. At one point, they were discussing the context of faith in this generation of believers. One of the main points raised was that we should always think about how to deliver God's message to the youth.

It sort of set off so many thoughts in my mind, but I preferred to sit and just listen. I think what struck me the most is the point where they said, the youth today find God, sometimes, in the strangest of places. Yes, I do agree. I am a person who believes that God manifests his love through different ways. To me, I feel privileged that I get to do the work I love the most. I have a passion for development (and maybe planning. Haha!) and one of the greatest gifts I have received is working at GK DLSU as a Coordinator. Yes, the work is stressful (sometimes) and I have traded it for heaps of security and comfort that my old work place probably gave me.

Then again, when I think about it, it's all worth it. Yes,  I have to put off many luxuries so that I can do more with what I am given. But nothing compares the experience of finding God in the poor. Most of the time, it is a real struggle to work with them, especially when you're not on the same plane. It is difficult to extend love to them because they are not exactly my family. I find comfort in working with them because I know that life as a wannabe nation-builder makes sense because they are there. They are armed with hopes and dreams and they are ready to fight for a better future. Their ambitions are even greater than what we think. In so many ways, I respect so many poor people more than academics. Many of them have experience that even the smartest people in the world would never even have. They are my inspiration because working with them has enabled me to dream beyond myself and beyond what I thought I was capable of.

Working with them is like going to the wellspring of life to get rejuvenated. I have found my raison d'etre because of the nature of my work with them. They have taught me so many things that my professors in Development Policy never taught me, and I couldn't be more thankful. My faith makes sense because they always give me a reason to put it into action. Solidarity with the poor makes sense because they have opened up themselves to me and made me feel welcome. I have found God's kingdom. I have found my vocation as a nation-builder. Thank God and praise Him, I have found love in the strangest of places.

07/29: On multiplying the loaves and fish.

Today's gospel reading is about the miracle of the feeding of 5,000. 

This is not new. In fact, this was a topic in almost every religion class I took at St. Theresa's College. But I think that the first time I gained an appreciation for this story was during the sixth grade. Mrs. Turla, my  Christian Living teacher then, asked the question, "What do you think was the miracle there?" Naturally, for many of us, we responded, "the multiplication of loaves." She went on to explain that it was when Jesus turned the hearts of people from stone to gold as his prayer was for them to share what they already had. They ended up having a surplus of food.

I regained my appreciation of that gospel today. Br. Mike Broughton, very often has teaching moments with me. I don't know why, but this morning at mass, tears were streaming down my cheeks as he spoke about the gospel. Maybe whatever he said struck a cord with me. This was the gospel story that inspired his vocation. The main lesson I got from his sharing was that we all have gifts that God has given to us. These gifts are meant to be shared with others. When we choose to share our gifts, God finds a way to multiply it so that it makes an impact. In the gospel, the boy who shared what little he brought to help feed the five thousand was God's instrument. His choice to use what little he can became the cause for the miracle to be performed.

In the past few months, I've been having "inner tensions" if I'm really doing things right at GK DLSU.  It has been easier for me to think of giving up on an idea when it was difficult. In fact, my work has been hit or miss lately, I think, and not so much of really striving to do well. When I heard the sharing yesterday, I realized that I should not even entertain the thought of giving less than what I can because many people whom I am called to serve do not deserve that.

Instead, I should follow the example of the boy in the gospel. I should ask myself more often: What am I capable of giving? Am I a witness to God's love and generosity to the last, the lost, and the least? Am I a witness to God's grace to the people I meet? How much have I given of the gifts I have to see God's plan work? Have I shared enough so that God can work miracles not only for me, but also for those who have been entrusted to my care?

In our society today, many people continue to suffer from poverty. So many injustices have been brought about by the lack of caring and sharing among people. In the Philippines alone, poverty in all forms has become a plague. But this is not to say that we are living in a society that has no hope. Like the boy who has generously shared what little he had to start feeding the 5,000, we who have been blessed with the gift of education are also called to use our gifts to make our country a better place. 

"For the rich and educated, there is no quality of life, no dignity for them if they don't share their excellence and creativity with those who by virtue of birth have been deprived of these." -Tony Meloto

As a development major, I am called to use what I have learned in the classroom to help raise the dignity of many Filipinos. I know enough to be able to start change in the lives of many poor Filipinos. My energies and creative juices are maximized when I use them to benefit others. I am so blessed that God has given me the opportunity to multiply the use of what he has given to me through my service in Gawad Kalinga. This has been God's way of telling me that there are so many ways for us Filipinos to turn this country into one that we all deserve. Furthermore, this can become a platform for many other nations in the world to rise from their poverty.

The only way for it to work is for us to give. The more we give as we serve, the bigger the space that God has to work his miracles. We don't have to become superheroes, but through the simple use of our talents, we all contribute to creating a society that God has planned for us.

Sense, sensitivity and sensibility.

I am not sure if I will make sense, but I will attempt to do so.

For the past months, I have failed to put everything that has been happening into words. Writer's block, maybe. Or maybe I have not taken any time out to just push that pause button. My life has become an organized mess in the past months, and at times, many things just drove me up the wall. But maybe that is why life hands you lemons -- so that you can make the most out of it: lemonade, lemon curd, lemon meringue, lemon pie... and the list goes on.

Over the past week, I have been able to take time to finally push that pause button. Of course, this could have been because I spent at least two days of my life in transit, and that just allowed me to stop thinking about the many things that I have been preoccupied with. It allowed me some detachment from everything. Although I wanted to do some work while I was on the airplane, there was that voice inside me that just told me to let go.

I had to look back at the months that have passed and make sense of it.

I am no stranger to suffering, and this is something that I have had to deal with for most of my life. Sometimes, I get caught up in my own crosses that I forget that more people suffer more than I. And this is something many of us take for granted -- that if we were to measure our life against others, our sufferings would pale in comparison with others who have to eat it for breakfast and stare it at the face almost everyday of their lives. And this is where I began thinking, we have been talking about the impeachment of the Chief (In)justice of the Philippines, but is he really THE Chief Injustice?

This just slapped me right in the face. Over the past month, I have heard from many people how people have objectified the poor as recipients of charity and loose change, and it struck me when it came from a KB leader in Baseco. For many years and months, we say we are going to do something for the poor but the truth is we just did something  because it makes us feel good. And there are many who use the term "poverty" so loosely in academics. In my field alone, I could not count how many research have been published for the sake of being published that criticize existing policies. I do not even want to begin yapping about the readings I have had to do throughout the course of my studies in Masters.

And because the term has been used so loosely, some people have become indifferent about the issue. It has become a given to the point that we have lived with it. We have talked so extensively about what causes poverty that we have stopped when we found out why people were poor in the first place. And this, to me, is where injustices start -- when those who have been endowed so much can give so less than they could and  those who are at the bottom of the pyramid stay there because they have had to settle with what little we could give them.

I just felt a twinge in my heart when I began to realize how much we have let the poor down when we failed to genuinely looked into their concerns. Many times, I have become unjust to them myself because I looked at my own limits and settled for my limitations. In many ways, I have become part of a system that continues to pervade the problems that we try to respond to.

Just last week, I went to Toronto for five days. Yes, you've read it right. And in the midst of fighting the jet lag and attending the Summit, I realized how much work needs to be done. We cannot remain still. We cannot rely on theories to provide answers to our question. We will get left behind if the knowledge we continue to produce is the kind that is manufactured from a laptop and based on empirical data that we cannot make sense of by ourselves. The action is on the ground and real learning takes place there. And if we get stuck, we will never find answers. We will be laggard. We will not be excellent.

It's not too late. No, not at all. Epiphanies or breakthroughs exist for a reason. We have to make sense of what is going on in society so that we can awaken our sensitivities to the many problems that plague society and bring some sensibility to the patchwork of solutions that we develop.

Because grad school just seemed to have started yesterday...

It wasn't too long ago when I made that impulsive decision to take up a graduate degree. Yes, it was just something that popped into my mind one day. My condition for enrolling then was that if I get the scholarship, there's no looking back. Honestly, I didn't exactly know why I did it at that time. For me, it just meant having to do something else, so that when I get asked, I can say a lot. Haha. Now, almost two years later, I am about to complete coursework! Yey! It's kind of a bittersweet thing. I love being in a classroom, somehow. But I have to move on and study for my comprehensive exam and start preparing my thesis... and graduation! (2012, please be good to me!)


There were some unexpected twists and turns as I took my units up. Most of the time, I found myself in a difficult position trying to balance everything out. I have to admit, I sometimes had to "wing it" because God knows I barely have the time to do everything.

I am especially grateful that along the way, I've had awesome classmates and great professors as well. (Although I wish I had less classes with Dr. Levy. I had 3 in coursework! Even she says that she would've wanted us to have other professors aside from her!) In a way, coursework showed me a host of perspectives in pursuing development. It also allowed me to look into deeply rooted problems that ail Philippine development and act on them. I've learned to look into more sustainable practices rather than small projects that don't make a significant impact on society. It has allowed me to look at challenges and see that there is still hope in the Philippines. That despite the fact that people would choose to take the first plane out of this country, being in MADEPOL challenged me to look at how we can make development work for the country. It has challenged me to raise my level of patriotism, that no matter what dismal statistics are presented to us in class, I would still choose to invest in this country's future.

Now, the way  I see it, it is important for us who study development to not just come up with solutions that will work in theory. Rather, we must find avenues by which our research output can be used to actually make this country better. It's not just about getting published, it's about making it real and tangible. It would be such a waste if we just allowed our papers to get shelved after each trimester. That is our duty to God and country, not only as Lasallians, but also as Filipinos.

I can't wait for thesis now. I can't wait to have the opportunity to conduct research that will be relevant. But first, I have to hurdle compre... and my last few papers! Haha! :)

Think Different. :)

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. - Apple Inc.

Heeding a higher call.

When I was asked to give a testimonial on how CWTS has made an impact on my life, I started thinking:

ANO NGA BA? MERON NGA BA? ANO BA TALAGANG NAGING SILBI NITO SA BUHAY KO? TALAGA BANG NAKATULONG AKO O GINAWA KO LANG TALAGA DAHIL REQUIRED?

And then I realized. WALANG KWENTA PALA TALAGA ANG CWTS! Inaksaya ko lang ang oras ko na dapat ginamit ko nalang para makapaglibang ako. Sobrang alam nyo yun, nakakafrustrate pala talaga... kasi...

Walang kwenta yung CWTS kung nung natapos ako nung program ko, hindi ko naisip na pahalagahan yung mga tao sa paligid ko.

Walang kwenta yung CWTS kung nung natapos ako, nanatili pa rin akong bulag at mangmang sa mga tunay na nangyayari sa buhay ng mga kababayan natin.

Walang kwenta yung CWTS kung nung natapos ako, ang inisip ko lang ay sarili ko bago ang iba.

Walang kwenta yung CWTS kung hindi ko narealize na required ito hindi dahil sa required ako by law, pero dahil required ako dahil ginawa ako ng Diyos na taong malayang nakakaisip at nagmamahal.  

We are a privileged minority here in this country. We have been blessed to have an education that does not just seek to equip us with skills that will take us further into our careers, to earn big money and to get the highest position at a multinational.

Yes, it is true. Our parents are paying so much for us to have a Lasallian education, and it is but natural for them to tell us that after we have graduated, we have to look for jobs that will pay us well and allow us to afford a luxurious lifestyle. But being a Lasallian is so much more than that. Allow me to share my own experience.

I first set foot in DLSU, believe it or not, when I was three years old. At that time, just being here was enough to make me feel privileged. Being a Lasallian then made me feel like it was all about achieving and making me work for good enough grades so that I can enter DLSU.

I formally entered DLSU 14 years later as a college froshie, hoping to finish my degree in International Studies on time. I took CWTS because my tita wouldn’t allow me to take ROTC (and she did give the officers a stern look when they approached me to do ROTC instead of CWTS)

It was in second term when I had my C1. We were deployed at Gawad Kalinga Manolo in Valenzuela. At that time, it was only Tito Roger and Tita Mila’s house that was built and finished (and had a really nice CR) May billiards table pa! So you can imagine, all of my classmates wanted to be assigned at that place. Funny thing? Me and two of my friends, Ruthy and Regz were the privileged ones. In the course of our program, we had a facilitator who really tried to look after our needs despite having a very hectic work schedule, and so there were times that my friends and I  had to step up and make sure that everything was okay. I remember that we used to hold our tutorial classes for the kids on the first floor of one house. I remember playing cards with our host’s daughter, Lorna. Each Saturday, my friends and I took turns to sponsor lunch. And towards the end of the day, we played billiards. Tita Leling used to be the one person we went to for attendance. During our last major CWTS day, we brought all the kids to Manila Zoo for fun. 

I felt true happiness at that time. And it did really make a difference in the way that I saw things because first and foremost, I was able to build a relationship with the community and truly empathize with them.

But of course, college life had to go on. I have to be honest. Like all good things, CWTS came to an end (or so I thought it did).

I fell into the traditional cycle of seeking out positions in organizations, being active to “build my resume.” At that time, it made sense to me because I had to get into Unilever or the United Nations, whichever one had a vacancy first. And maybe if I got there, did some CSR. That was my dream. And in the process of working hard to build MY future, I’ve forgotten about the poor. Iniwan ko sila. I have left them behind. I forgot what true happiness was. I had replaced it with “pleasure”. And as Dylan Wilk, former 8th richest Bachelor in the UK turned social entrepreneur in the Philippines who sold all his BMW’s to build 700 GK homes put it: “Pleasure is different from happiness. Pleasure is a fire that needs constant fuelling with new clothes, new cars, and vacations. Happiness comes from somewhere else -- it comes from relationships and from knowing that you are fulfilling God’s purpose in your life.”

So at that time when I was really getting stressed and unhappy, I went back to what made me happy. Thankfully, I had friends who were volunteers in Gawad Kalinga and reeled me in. It started with a few activities where we had fun overnights to prepare for the event the following day. When I graduated and worked at an International Organization accredited by the UN and earned really well (see, I kind of “lived my original dream”), I always made it a point to devote my Saturdays to help GK SIGA get scholarships in DLSU. One day, I decided that once my contract ended, I will go back to those who needed me. Yes, I had to take a huge pay cut and came back to DLSU, initially to coordinate Gawad Kalinga efforts within the university. I get less than half of what I used to receive as an intern at IOM. But why is the sacrifice worth it?

After working so hard and going through the process of seeking opportunities to engage people in getting our country out of poverty by the year 2024 through my work as Gawad Kalinga coordinator of DLSU, I have come to realize that I can build my resume so much. I can get a lot of awesome credentials. When I finish my Master’s degree, I will be a somebody. But at the end of the day, the greatest credential I can ever have is  being a NATION-BUILDER. In the end, I was able to say that my Lasallian education was able to enhance and enrich my capacity to dream for my country and its people, especially the last, the lost and the least.

My CWTS experience did not end when I got my final grade. My Catholic faith does not die when I go out of the church. My Lasallian education never ended when I graduated. My being Filipino does not end when I die.

Dahil ang pagiging estudyante, Lasalyano at Pilipino natin ay hindi natatapos kapag natapos ang CWTS. Dahil paglabas natin sa DLSU, may isang baying naghahanap ng mga taong handang magmahal at magmahal dito at aako ng responsibilidad para pagandahin ito. God did not make a mistake when He made me a Filipino, so I commit myself to working hard to make my country the best it can be.